What Your Favorite Homestuck Ship Says About You


Your ideal relationship dynamic is guys being dudes [What’s better than this?] Your ideal relationship dynamic is enemies to friends to lovers Your ideal relationship dynamic is the pale quadrant Your ideal relationship dynamic is [TWO BROS, CHILLIN IN A HOT TUB] [FIVE FEET APART CUZ THEY’RE NOT GAY] But the plot twist is that they actually are gay This is just the same joke as John and Dave but you’re also always a slut for canon validation You thought all the other
black quadrant couples in this series didn’t hate each other enough You just wanted good things for Nepeta and really, who wouldn’t? Your ideal date involves being stupid together Your ideal date involves getting stepped on Your ideal date involves pretending you’re not on a date because actually going on a real date wouldn’t be ironic enough You’re always a slut for a
constant state of mild resentment You are a firm believer in the inherent
eroticism of sesquipedalian verbosity You are a firm believer in the inherent
eroticism of trolling You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of getting really angry over some bullshit that probably doesn’t even matter You tried to matchmake your friend with “issues” with your other friend with the
opposite kind of “issues” because in theory they would even out and it would all work You think Vriska did nothing wrong You think Vriska did everything wrong You think Vriska did some things wrong You don’t understand why the edgy
boys have to hate the SJWs and the SJWs have to hate the edgy boys, why
can’t they all just be friends and possibly smooch each other? You believe the best relationships are built on a solid foundation of dank memes You got into Homestuck shortly after the end of your Hetalia phase You just wanted good things for Eridan. Which, one could argue could have saved everybody A LOT of trouble You ship Jake and Dirk but didn’t want these two to be left out of the romance. Perfectly balanced as all things should be If you had a gun with
two bullets and you were trapped in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Eridan you’d shoot Eridan twwice You want a girlfriend who’s smarter than you You want a girlfriend who’s smarter than you but you’re also heterosexual When you were in high school, you experienced a moment of unmitigated glee
when your really sheltered innocent friend finally said “fuck” This is just the same joke as Dave and Dave’s bro but you don’t understand why anyone would
ship a character who doesn’t even have have any lines Your interest in Dave’s
existing relationship dynamics is outweighed by your belief in Karkat’s shipping chart Your interest in Dirk’s existing relationship dynamics is outweighed by your identification with Roxy’s thirst Your interest in both these characters’ existing relationship dynamics is outweighed by your need for
a girlfriend who could kick your ass You don’t understand why all the big monsterfucker ships are male/male or male/female shouldn’t lesbians be able to
fuck monsters just as well as everyone else

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