Ozzy Man and Mozza: Random Stuff


Welcome to freestyle canoeing a sport that not too many people know about but I wanna put a spotlight on it today Here’s me favorite canoeist Marc Ornstein, and I’m joined with Moza in the commentary booth. How are ya mate? Yeah I’m well oz Is this as good as it gets? Yeah nah this is it. He’s starting, he’s commenced, the routine has commenced and look at this beautiful Beautiful turn on the spot straightaway. He’s on his knees there, which takes a lot of a lot of core strength mate Yeah, I don’t feel like I’m watching an athlete. I’m not gonna lie to ya I feel like I’m watching somebody’s granddad who’s just wandered out from the home and found himself in a boat Okay okay Well nah you begin to appreciate this look at that another beautiful turn Full 180 And then off he goes to the right of screen in in a new direction. Yeah, I think this is his first time in a canoe oz That’s the vibe i’m getting Oh that’s beautiful mate, look at him Crowd interaction He’s pouring his heart and soul into this canoeing into this routine and look now backwards. That’s fucken specky, isn’t it? I don’t think he’s doing anything that special. I reckon if it was a stick out there floating on the water, just moving With the water would be doing about, it would be about as impressive as this no no no mate fucken just relax Okay, it’s about the gracefulness the elegance it’s about getting in the zone Getting in your fucken Zen. Well here comes some speed all right look at this. That’s pretty good He’s building up some speed now Yeah, well okay. It’s speed relative to go nowhere, but he’s not going anywhere quickly. Okay, well people like this You know there’s a full crowd Oz who are these people? Name the people Oz Well i don’t know them personally, but there’s a fan club Tell me one I’m on the email list And some of us out there appreciate this right okay it’s relaxing Is that a deep email list look at that, there’s the whole fucking media mate There’s press, there’s people interested in it probably members of his immediate family. I’m guessing well look fine You don’t want to fucken watch this? there’s got to be something more to the story nah this is it This is the routine and it goes on for another two to three-minute does he get taken by crocodile? No there’s no danger. Does a tsunami come? I mean he might tip the canoe, which is I mean that’s pretty suspenseful, isn’t it ? well yeah at the speed is moving He’s gonna have to be working hard to tip. It’s on an angle there. He could go in He could fall in the drink But he doesn’t because this is a trained athlete. That’s his one trick almost, Almost capsizing is his one trick. You don’t appreciate these subculture sports You don’t appreciate these fucken look at this beautiful beautiful putting his heart and soul into this canoe Oz this is some bullshit All right fine. I’ll put your fucking favorite racoon video on again. How’s that? Oh thank christ. This is a top video. You love this video you cream in your jocks every time you watch it Why is that? Well it’s just so relatable isn’t it Oz? We’ve all been there We’ve all had a big night out on the town We found a dark quiet forest to have a cheeky lie down to recover and you know a tree falls on your guts You’re right, that’s happened to me half a dozen times in the past I relate to this raccoon this raccoon is me bloody spirit animal. It’s like come on excuse me. I’m stuck again Can you give us a hand? yeah cheers It’s a bit embarrassing It’s a long story, but if you could just help me out here. Just really anything you could do, anything… BUT DON’T TOUCH Don’t touch me fucken face Do not touch my face I am under this tree, the tree’s not under me. There no need to touch me Now what the fuck is this strategy all about? Ahhhh This is goin dark. there’s some sort of waterboarding scenario coming up they’ve gone full Guantanamo Bay They’re distrusting the raccoon. They think it’s some kind of fucken terrorist Oh, they think he’s a member of Isis they want him to give up names. He doesn’t know anything. No they’re digging a grave They’ve given up they’ve given up they’re not rescuing this raccoon at all They’re bloody just digging a grave for him Ohhh mate that poor raccoon needs the air he’s like look fellas I’m not dead I’m not dead I just gotta jump on me face I’m not a terrorist i’m not dead I’m not even stuck, I’m out I’m out Here he goes it was good the humans were okay and straight back up a tree probably not his best choice. No, that’s a shit idea Meanwhile over in Africa, it’s just a peaceful day. There’s no lions or predators You know all the wildebeests and the Zebras they just hanging out the waterhole having a good time I always knew they could be friends There’s a high level of compatibility between the… oh wait a second whoa what some bullshit is going down What has happened here? some bloke’s just been dropped There it it, there it is Dodgy fucken zebra that is filthy as shit just kick him straight in the temple knocked him out cold That’s a coward kick is what that is I mean look at the zebra run away like it’s part of the rest of the pack Like it hasn’t done anything And this bloke he’s sitting there going “I’m alright, I’m alright, I can get up, I can get up. ARGH” And his mate’s just there going “No, nah son, take a day off sick.” Yep yet have a mid strength beer and a panadol have a lay down, you’re good look at the fucking audacity of the zebras here coming back all arrogant and shit. Oh this cheeky prick pretending didn’t even know what happened what’s happened to ya mate. What’s happened to ya? Yeah what happened? Was it a lion? Yeah, I reckon it was a lion I saw a lion around here or was a climate change? Yeah I didn’t see anything mate Yeah I don’t know what it could’ve been, anyway let’s keep having a feed It’s a bloody mistery Yeah, what’s happening up on the couch. I reckon I’m a big boy. I can if I can get up there Now’s the time to be able to do it. I’ll do a big jump Here we go three two ahhhh Now you fucked it Moz I’ve been watching married at first sight the relationship experts are full of shit Can you tell me what’s actually going on? Alright now this scene is a thing of beauty you see a man’s face change from hopeful of getting a route to dead certain he’s getting a route Watch the change, Watch the change, Watch the… there it was You see that? What’s that? no no no look at the face look like the eye brows lifted, look at the look in the eyes I can’t see shit No no okay, here we go again So he’s thinking about getting a route Thinking about getting a route thinking about getting a route bit hopeful bit hopeful and Bam Bam Bam Bam He is in like Flynn Right the eyebrow raise signifies excitement than he’s getting a route. Yeah, that’s right Yeah that’s right. The smile broadens, bit of a look in her eyes, there’s a shot of her feet. What the fuck? What? Now How did we get back here? Relax, enjoy it, all good Fuck mate there is nothing to enjoy I made my feelings very clear at this before this is better than those fucken ASMR fucken low talking soft talking videos that everyone falls asleep to this is more relaxing Mate this is.. I am reassessing our lives What have we done wrong to end up here Can you not appreciate anything about freestyle canoeing the picture-perfect scenery Mate there is nothing to look at here. There is an old cunt floating about on a boat He’s not an old cunt he’s a fucking young man in his prime doing what he loves Can you don’t appreciate that? Mate you have lost the… Sportsmanship Nah The craft Nah the fitness Nah Nothing? Nothing there’s noth… the Farnese sandwich What the fuck, I need a sandwich Now you fucked it

100 thoughts on “Ozzy Man and Mozza: Random Stuff

  1. Freestyle canooestyist: my guess was he had his sinkers on with anker. He is showing, true to form, his don't give-a-fuckism, and they are waiting to see what prevails….

  2. I can't figure skate but I can fart about like a prancing fancy pants sissy in a canoe & since nobody else ever thought of it, I'll win all the initial competitions.

  3. I thought the wildebeest flopped but upon further review, there was in fact contact between the zebras foot and the head of the wildebeest. Thought the zebra should have been sent off

  4. We were much better freestyle canoeing. We stood up. Actually got yelled at, “ don’t stand in the canoe,” as if there was a municipal code against it, and he was the canoe cop.

  5. The original video of the canoe is great. The comment section alone is worth finding it. He's spinning around to "Lady In Red". Lol

  6. Come on Mozza! If there were a stick out there while he was doing these death defying maneuvers…I shudder to think of the ensuing tragedy!…a sandwich sure does sound nice, though.

  7. I can tell that anyone bitching about the dude in the canoe has obviously never been in one. Those thing are impossible to keep from capsizing.

  8. Sorta cool. What if native americans used to play some sort of friendly game on the water using this method.

    Iv traversed the waves so maybe thats why i think these things.

  9. I think that one element, of the mind of someone who doesn't appreciate this man's performance, is the lack of a basic understanding of physics, which most of the population is guilty of. There are many other reasons for this lack of interest due to conditioning of the human, by manipulation of its cognitive abilities. The suppression of logic, critical thinking and rationality, are achieved with the guidance of the educational system, media, jingoistic government propaganda, brought to you by your local big box store, advertising… understanding physics and wanting to learn about the physical world around you is key to appreciating the nuanced things in life, or whatever man…

  10. Give the Guy a break! He's accidentally Whacked his wife with his paddle. Now he's looking for the dead body. AND! A fine job he's making of it. She'd be proud. Damned proud!

  11. hi everyone i made a song about the evil virus from china and how people die and the saddness that comes whit it hope you like it grtz

  12. It's a ROOT, not a ROUTE! Root = a good rogering; a happy shafting; making the beast with two backs; horizontal jogging; hiding the banana. OM, you need a new caption writer.

  13. Wtf freestyle canoeing people-are fucking boring they are making something for everyone that sucks and have nothing that they are good out

  14. Okay, so if 'getting a root' means getting laid, Aussies must think Americans are insane they way we root for our sports teams.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *