Hairy PlottE;R and the Ex-Navy Bro


[John Williams’ “Hedwig’s Theme” playing] DAN D: This is not a joke. My favorite niece found your ‘Rapeyverse’ video -it ruined “Steven Universe” for her, even made her a bit depressed and ashamed for awhile for even liking it. She has early signs of depression, her mother died of heart failure when she was only 7 years old. The show? She liked it… because so many of the characters reminded her of her mother… who was also like a sister to me… [Record scratch] [Sergei Prokofiev’s “Dance of the Knights” playing] You WILL pay for this, you sanctimonious jaded smug piece of youtube shit. Y’know why? Because my older brother, the father of the girl who you hurt with your cancerous scorn, is INFINITELY more pissed at you than I am. He’s an old fashioned soldier. 6.5 feet, about 300 pounds, ex-navy, doesn’t go online much, doesn’t have profiles, but he knows a few very good programmers he goes to sometimes when his kids run into ‘trouble’ online. He’s the type who only knows one thing, something you millennials don’t: how to get shit DONE. Not much gets under his skin, really, you can call him any name under the sun, even strike him and he won’t hit back (high pain tolerance)… but you fuck with his little girl and he becomes a totally different man, a VERY dangerous and reckless man. Even if I, his own little brother, were to hurt his daughter emotionally, even on accident… he’d break me like a damn twig without a second thought, [Twig breaks]
he’d break me like a damn twig without a second thought, he’d break me like a damn twig without a second thought, quite easily too and I’m NOT a small guy. CIA FROM “The Dark Knight Rises”: You’re a big guy. DAN D: I can’t tell you my bro’s fighting ‘technique’ because it seems to be a sort of bland and I’m no pro, but I’ve NEVER seen anyone, not even bigger guys, BANE: For you. DAN D: –last more than 5 seconds against him before they were on the floor in tears, screaming for mercy, with at least one or two body parts broken and/or bleeding. After he consoled his crying daughter about a week ago, he informed me of what happened. Unlike him, I use words to express my anger, words you’ve see quite a bit I’m sure- since I’m about 50-60% as pissed as my brother. Being pissed over my niece’s sadness that you helped cause, I helped my bro find your rapeyverse video and he gave me a look that almost gave me a heart attack (it was his eyes more than anything) and calmly said, BASS VOICE: “Daniel, I’m sorry… but we’ll have to cancel the turkey shoot. I have work to do.” DAN D: And he immediately started calling some old contacts… when he calls me “Daniel” I know shit just got real. I honestly can’t tell you what my brother will do when he finds you, and he WILL find you. He’s the ‘creative type’ offline and while not a professional interrogator, he got some enemy combatants to talk during his tours and picked up some tricks on dealing VERY high volumes of pain to someone without leaving marks. I seriously ALMOST feel bad for what awaits you, E;R. …almost. [Cyber Realm’s “Tonebox” playing]

100 thoughts on “Hairy PlottE;R and the Ex-Navy Bro

  1. Gotta say if one thing pisses me off its pretending like soldiers are superhuman or some shit. Like dog you dont have to be that atheletic to make it lmao.

  2. π‘«π’‚π’π’Šπ’†π’. 𝑰'π’Ž π’”π’π’“π’“π’š, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 π’˜π’†'𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 π’•π’–π’“π’Œπ’†π’š 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒕. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 π’˜π’π’“π’Œ 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐.

  3. "her mother, who was like a sister to me" Your niece's mother literally IS your sister. I'll bet he put that in on purpose as a wink and/or a nudge.

  4. I do like to imagine some parent giving their kid a tablet or something to entertain them during a party, and just as the little speech in that one Steven Universe comes on, they decide they need to use the bathroom, so they walk through the entire living room, in front of all the guests, tablet blaring about the international clique! Maybe that'd teach them to actually parent then.

  5. 2:42
    I laughed internally by the end of that paragraph, because I didn’t want to scare anyone around me at home X DDDD

  6. He got butthurt over a childrens cartoon and wrote half of an essay talking about how he's gonna get his 'ex-navy bro' to beat the shit out of you and probably kill you. Damn he has issues.

  7. Nigga you love riding this nazi line dont you? One thing is for sure, you are a retarded right-winger. Retarded right wingers are the first to go full Nazi when capitalisim inevitably fails them.

  8. 3:49 when you notice E;R’s name blurred out you know he’s bout to say some crap after he finishes reading this comment

  9. Its tru. I wont let my kid online. Or watch shows i havent already seen. Its just logical. U never kno what they wil see

  10. tbh the steven universe video was mostly shitposting, i recommend that video from that one person who just tears the shit out of it for 2 hours
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flLEr_sYC-k

    I think they may be trans or something but its fucking glorious

  11. 1:16 "accusing him and anyone else who likes the show of being a pervert." Yes because children are known for being anti-perversion goodie two shoes's. That's why they use "yo momma" jokes and allude to having sex with "yo momma" all the time.
    A coworker of mine said he learned about Two Girls; One Cup in the SIXTH GRADE!!!
    And let's be real here, even the most dimwitted tard recognizes a parody for what it is.
    This is in addition to the fact that even with 300K subs, when weighed against the 7 BILLION people in the world, the odds of two E;R fans meeting in person are low anyway.

  12. I was just about to subscribe to your sorry ass channel, out of respect for how funny you were dealing with this lowlife… but then you said in your will that pewdiepie takes over your channel if you die… and I didn’t want pewds to win… so… no subscribers for you!

  13. fuck dude, FUCK he CANCELLED THE TURKEY SHOOT

    Also, if you have to start a threat with 'this is not a joke' youve already lost

  14. What the fuck did you just fucking say about Steven Universe, you little bitch? I'll have you know my brother graduated top of his class in the Navy Seals, and he has been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and has over 300 confirmed kills. He am trained in gorilla warfare and he is the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to him but just another target. He will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to about Steven Universe over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak my brother is contacting his secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. My brother can be anywhere, anytime, and he can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with his bare hands. Not only is he extensively trained in unarmed combat, but he has access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and he will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" video was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. My brother will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

  15. 1:17
    β€œNEVER criticize kids shows, because FEAR-MONGERING !!!!”
    Yeah, okay. WE are toxic and negative be default for criticizing HORRIBLE shows;

    No seriously, let them enjoy the HORRIBLE and incredibly non-child-friendly show that is Steven Rapey-verse because of what-the fuck-ever you’ve given as a reason, like getting them bullied because people get conditioned by peer pressure or mob mentality to take the video to its extreme, bla bla bla…”

  16. You got trolled BIG TIME. So trolled that you were butthurt enough to make a video about it. Why do you have to be such a stereotypical weeb?

  17. ROFL.

    And yes, parents SHOULD supervise their children's internet usage until they're mature enough for it. It's their job to take care of their kids, not the entire rest of the world's. πŸ˜’

  18. 1:09
    Dan D: Thank you… BTW is your Steven Rapeyverse sarcastic parody or serious?
    Also Dan D: I would like to know this as well

  19. No one is talking about the factual and dangerously realistic ending frame about how PewDiePie could use his insane reach to fix Sweden

    Or he could if he didn’t move to Britain EVEN PEWDS SAID SYKE

  20. I got an ad for this, you absolute madlad. It was the alien from destroy all humans singing a song from german band rammstein so i guess youtube knows your audience.

  21. I just found your channel, so I'm getting caught up here, but I can tell you that guy (or girl? almost certainly a teenage kid either way) is most definitely full of shit. (But you've probably already figured that out by now, as I presume you're still alive and kicking.) The whole diatribe about opponents being "on the ground crying in five seconds begging for mercy" (or whatever it was exactly, too lazy to rewatch) was classic exaggerator bullshit. Like this kid has seen his "big bro" beat up hundreds of people — and bro's not in jail yet? Anyway, whatever, you've probably forgotten about this vid, but my BS Detector was screaming louder than one of his bro's imaginary victims.

  22. I love it when snowflakes use the " my relative is in the military" card because you pissed off their precious fee fees πŸ˜‚

  23. How much do you have to love SU and have nothings else in your life to make this shit up and LARP all over the comments of a random critique video?
    Is it chromosomal?

  24. lol i'm 6.5 feet 300 lbs (almost) ex-navy too lol, but something to note most operators are midgets (i'm wasn't an operator obviously) Like seriously tiny men. I don't think i met one that was over like 5.75 feet.

  25. Sorry for necropost, but this guy's extremely detailed story sounds like the bro's version of "50 Shades of Fat Housewife Food Fantasies"

  26. So ER is 6,5 ft tall? Gods, imagine how lit up his tinder profile must be… "What's your height?" "6 ft 5" "*sploosh*"

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *